I don’t understand.

I didn’t sleep last night.

I just couldn’t turn my brain off. I’m still dwelling on it as I sit here at my desk at work. There is so much going on…so many unexpected trials. I was supposed to have the day off from work so that we could finish our move to our new home. Instead, I sit here at work, frustrated, anxious, and depressed.

Saturday morning, after hearing NOTHING from the seller, our lender, or our agent, we discovered that our house was back on the market. Talk about a slap in the face, and a shitty way to start off the weekend!

Yesterday, I spoke with our agent to see if she had any idea what was going on. Apparently the seller went behind everyone’s back and listed the house with a new agent. The new agent probably doesn’t even realize that the house is currently under contract, because they cannot legally sell it while they are under contract with us! Our agent is planning to talk to both the seller’s old agent and new agent today, as well as an attorney. Our guess is that he is underhandedly fishing for new buyers, and if he gets a bite in time before our escrow is due to close, he is going to cancel our contract. At best, our agent is going to try to get him to refund the money we spent on inspections, appraisals, etc. There is still a minuscule chance that he won’t get a new buyer, and will agree to a lower price with us, but based on his lack of communication and shady way of relisting the property, it doesn’t look good for us.

I just really don’t understand why this is happening! Everyone else I know that has gone into escrow has gotten their house. This is the second time we have had to cancel escrow ONE WEEK before closing! I am losing the faith and the desire to look anymore at this point. Both of our emotions are shot, our credit is taking a rapid fall, and our bank account is getting wiped out from all of this. If this house falls through, it’s time to take a break…and then probably find a new agent.

Last night, lying in bed, all I could think about is losing another house. I also fear that if our luck is so bad in trying to buy a home, what if our luck with trying to conceive a baby is also this bad? I can’t handle much more heartache! I am also in fear of being fired from this job that I don’t even like. I need the money…I need the insurance. As much as I hate it. I have no motivation to be here, and I’m afraid that it will show to the point they will just let me go. I don’t want to be here…but I have to.

I know that if we don’t get the house, we’ll find a cheaper rental, and we’ll make do. Maybe I could even afford to work part-time somewhere. But I just can’t shut these thoughts and fears off – I continue to dwell on them. I constantly tell myself not to stress, not to let things bother me and to just go with the flow and take things as they come. But as these things build and pile up, I find it harder and harder not to be consumed by stress.

How do you handle it when things just get so out of whack and out of your control? What do you do to stop worrying about it? I just want to relax again…I just want a good night’s sleep!


~ by beyondalice on July 27, 2009.

One Response to “I don’t understand.”

  1. Okay, that’s a load of crap. I’m sorry that’s happening but it should be illegal.

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